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We’re now through the looking glass. The world has changed and there’s no turning back. The machines have won. At this point it’s only a matter of time before Judgment Day arrives and a metallic endoskeleton that looks strangely like the Governor of California comes marching down the street to urge you to vote Republican and punch your spinal fluid. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Why the sudden hatred for all things mechanical?” Simple answer: Ford’s Active Park Assist System.
According to a recent press release, Ford’s new automated parallel parking system will allow owners of the Lincoln MKS and Lincoln MKT to parallel park their cars with the simple push of a button. I’d like to repeat that as I find it scary and want to make sure you understand how ridiculous this is: Ford has manufactured a car that will park itself!
“With the touch of a button, Lincoln MKS and MKT drivers can parallel park quickly, easily and safely without ever touching the steering wheel,” said Derrick Kuzak, Ford’s group vice president of Global Product Development.
I don’t know about you, but taking control away from drivers and putting it in the hands (wires?) of an artificially intelligent device scares the absolute crap out of me. Drivers today are complacent and absent-minded enough, the last thing they need is one more chance to talk on their cell phones while the computer parking their car backs over a miniature Schnauzer.
You’ll have to forgive my tired old bones as I climb onto my soapbox but, I remember the days when driving was an honest to God skill and the ability to parallel park was a badge of honor. My Grandfather could parallel park a school bus in New York City traffic if he had to and was damn proud of it. Nowadays you don’t even have to parallel park on your drivers test. What’s the world coming to?
If this automated trend continues pretty soon we won’t even have to drive our cars or clean up after ourselves. We’ll sit idly by as unemployment rates climb, average IQ’s drop, and the machines slowly take over our day to day lives. National Speed won’t even need bloggers anymore. Posts will be written by an automated machine (and probably contain less typos and grammatical errors — so at least that’s a plus).
Perhaps the alarmist in me is getting a little worked up, but I damn sure want to be able to brag to my children that I once parallel parked a Hummer without them asking me, “what’s a parallel park?”
Tired of getting punked on the way to the Grocery store? Wanting to run 9’s at the dragstrip but take the kids too? Trying to take a weekend roadtrip and smash on a few turbo Corvettes along the way? Folks, if you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, I have your answer.
The LSX Gods at RPM (RyansPerformanceMachines) in Garner, NC are selling their 4 door creation for a low, low price of $97,000. (zOMG!) That’s quite a bit of cash, but what do you get? Well first off RPM started with a pretty neat base, the rather Slept on Trailblazer SS. While coming stock with a 400 horsepower LS2, there is always room to improve. If I try to type out the mod list of what RPM did, I will run out of room on this page so I’ll stick to the most important bits.
427LSX Fully built Motor, cams, 2 stage Direct Port Nitrous, routed through a TH400 with transbrake and a stall. All of this equates to a hair under 800 horsepower and a 1/4 time of 9.27 @ 145. Woah now. I suppose I forgot to mention that this thing has a full interior and weighs in at a whopping 4625lbs. Regardless of all that weight, it still pulls out a 1.34 60‘ with the transbrake.
What makes this Trailvette(Or is it Corblazer?) awesome to me is the fact that all of the factory options work. Yes that means if you want to blast Micheal Jackson with the sunroof up and windows open while running 9’s, you can. (Please dear God don’t take that seriously, I’m sure the wind resistance at 145mph isn’t so nice.) Not only that, but it has 4 Kirky Fab racing seats with 5 point harnesses so you can charge for 9 second roller coaster rides. I imagine it’s street legal, due to working lights all the way around, but I’m sure street manners with the big stall and lumpy cam aren’t very fun unless you really get on it.
There’s a pretty nasty video of the TBSS in action.
As if the title didn’t make it clear enough…this is it, the last blog of 2008.
It’s hard to believe that we’ve been cranking out these blogs since…whenever we started cranking these things out, but its been a lot of fun and we hope you’ve enjoyed reading them. That being said, we hope to take the quality, content, and value of the blog to new heights in 2009. Bigger, Louder, and Uncut.
Things you can look forward to:
A redesigned, sexier looking blog that’s easier on the eyes but still contains the same typos and bad humor that you’ve come to love.
Focus on building a community. We want to know what you think. We want your comments and we thrive on open-communication with our readers. As much as we enjoy reading our own stuff we’re not doing this for ourselves…It gets lonely out here and we need a hug sometimes.
Fresh content daily. We’re talking several articles a day unless it kills us (and if it does we’ll replace the dead bloggers with new ones as quickly as possible).
More editorial/personal opinion content where you can get a glimpse into the twisted minds of our bloggers (that sounds like we have a dedicated team of bloggers — sorry folks, it’s just me and Greg so you’ll have to be happy with that).
At least that’s the plan…If you have any bright ideas on what you think we could be doing better or what you’d like to see more of (or less of) let us know. Hope ya’ll have a Happy New Year and we’ll see you in 2009!
Yesterday’s article wasn’t nearly enough to cover the wondrous objects constructed out of this woven greatness. I found a few more things that are a little….out there.
First on this list is something completely unnecessary, yet completely badass if you can afford it.
Carbon Fiber Stairs. Say whaaat? This thing is a giant concoction of glass stainless steel and ridiculously thin Carbon Fiber Treads. I can’t imagine that this is fat people friendly, but Carbon Fiber has come a long way in the past 10 years. While beautiful, I can only imagine that these stairs cost more than you want to even think about. EeStairs created this beast, and it can be yours for a low low price of……..We actually don’t know yet. I don’t want to know.
Next on the list is a ‘Fricken Carbon Fiber Corset. Yes folks, that’s right. Carbon Fiber Lingerie. All of these pieces are a custom one-off deal, which means yes, you have to go to Kyrone itself and get a custom mold made(teeheehee). As of now, only 8 have been made since 2001 so these suckers are limited. As stated earlier, these are $250. I guess that’s not too bad, but I can’t imagine it’d be comfortable. Kryone also makes a lot of other interesting stuff too so be sure to check ‘em out.
Now for something even more out there. The Marc Newson Black Hole Table. Usable, sure, but Holy Crap. For the price, I’m not sure if i’d want to use it or be afraid to scratch it with my ogling eyes. This is a one piece three legged concoction of master godliness. Created all as one piece, each on of these 10 limited pieces are estimated to sell at $300,000. You think you are baller? Throw up the cash for one of these and then come talk to me, punk. Good luck finding one to buy in the first place. God knows when and where they go up at auction, but I’m sure it is a sight to behold.
They surely do make everything out of Carbon Fiber nowadays…
I’ve chosen a few products from the guys over at Carbon Fiber Gear Direct to highlight:
First off is CFG Direct’s super ballin’ Carbon Fiber wallet. With a sexy combination of Real Carbon Fiber and Soft Leather, this wallet is built to be durable. The wallet is available in a pretty slick looking Silver weave as well. It’s guaranteed to turn heads when you whip it out (not like that, perv). This is a good gift idea for any car enthusiast you might know, and I’ll be purchasing one soon. Price for both is $49.99
Next up is an interesting one. How about some Carbon Fiber Coasters in a sick looking Stainless Steel Display? Your cups/mugs/glasses/beer bottles/shot glasses/dentures or whatever else you decide to throw on there is guaranteed dyno proven 5 extra horsepower by being placed on these carbon fiber disks of drinking glory. If you decide you don’t want to use these as a coaster, they have been proven to be a viable alternative throwing weapon if all else fails. I cannot think of a more honorable way to die than in a shower of carbon fiber goodness. Price for entering Carbon Fiber Coaster Nirvana? $149.99
Here’s another one that piqued my interest a little bit. Need a new manly man ring? Forget gold or silver, go Stainless Steel and Carbon Fiber and show your real machismo. Leave a carbon fiber weave imprint on the forehead of the next guy that makes fun of you for wearing a man ring. The rings are offered in a variety of sizes and are really cheap at only $59.95
Last up is easy enough. It’s a Carbon Fiber friggin’ pen. How gangster is that? It’s solid 3k twill Carbon Fiber and it’s of course a ballpoint. Just like the Carbon Fiber Coasters, this can be used a dart or whatever other flying projectile you decide to emulate. This wonderous object of writing desire can be had for the low low price of $39.95
On behalf of National Speed we’d like to wish all of our readers Happy Holidays. Stay warm, try to enjoy the annoying presence of scary relatives, talk loud for the older folks, and remember to turn the fire off when Santa tries to squeeze his wide apple-bottom down the chimney.
Good luck to the last minute shoppers out there. I’ll be making my last stand at Wal-Mart this afternoon, so if I don’t make it back in one piece tell my Mom I love her and that I died trying to get her a super expensive DVD player (instead of the crummy pair of socks that I actually bought her).
Keep your head on a swivel, look alive, and die hard.
Most of the time, buying a car with some minor mods isn’t a problem. It’s only later down the road when you wish you would’ve spent the extra money doing something yourself.
It’s not so bad buying a vehicle Pre-modded, but of course that goes into how deep the car has been tampered with before you got it. It’s different if you had a hand in building it or knew the people that built it, and sure you’ll save money by buying Pre-modded…but in the long-run it’s almost ALWAYS better to do it yourself.
Trying to fix something when you have no idea who or how someone else installed something is pretty agitating. At first it’s not too bad, but after a while you start to notice that whoever installed certain things might not have been exactly up to par with what you originally thought.
If anything, the satisfaction of doing something yourself should be worth it. Being able to take a step back, look at your car and realize that everything that’s been done to your car was of your own doing is an awesome sensation. My advice to you is even though you can save money by buying something already built, you’ll have a lot more appreciation for your vehicle in the long run by doing it all yourself.
Sure you got Supercharging and Turbocharging and hell, even Twincharging but what about Ghettocharging?
Alright, maybe it’s not a new form of forced induction, but damn is it Ghetto! I thought I’d seen it all with budget builds, but this is a TRUE budget build. Electrical conduit from Home Depot for Coolant Lines, Sheet metal from a Heater shed? Dear God.
This car was built by Eyesore Racing for the 2009 24 Hours of LeMons(A play on Lemans obviously) and the goal is to build a car for under $500 (including the cost of the car) and send them through a proverbial gauntlet with events such as “The Personal-Injury-Lawyer Anti-Slalom”, “The Marxist-Valet Parking Challenge” and the “Wide Open Throttle Rodthrowapalooza” and that’s BEFORE you get to the starting grid. Twelve hours into the race, the car voted People’s Choice is called in and awarded a cash prize, the car voted People’s Curse is called in and destroyed. At the end of the 24 hours, an awards ceremony showers the survivors with trophies, plaques, and a Four-figure winnings in bags filled full of nickels. It’s always sure to be fun, that’s for sure.
Anyhow, back to the car. Eyesore Racing bought this piece for $17.99 in God knows where and went to work. They found two more Miata wrecks plus enough worn-out engine parts to assemble a possibly serviceable powerplant, and a turbo from a MDM (Mexican Domestic Market) Dodge Stratus. With the remaining money they went to work and fabbed up this ridiculous conglomeration of pipes you see above. I guess you could call this a top-mount turbo manifold…considering it sticks about a foot out of the hood. On 4.5 pounds of boost it made 140whp, which is ~50hp over stock. Not bad for some ghetto fabbing.
I wish those guys over at Eyesore Racing good luck in the 24 hours of LeMons and major kudos to them for having the Gonads and ingenuity to fab up something like that!
This is to you true grassroots guys (and gals). This is to those of you who scrounge up every last dollar and cent just to go visit the racetrack every month. This is to the autocrossers, roadcoursers, drifters, dragracers and rallycrossers. To those who value ducttape and zipties more than anything. To those of you who take a car worth a tenth of the cars you destroy at the track.
Sure, there are enthusiasts of all types. There are Multi-million dollar factory backed raceteams, but I don’t personally think of them as “Enthusiasts”. Grassroots motorsports is all about having fun with what you got. It doesn’t matter whether it’s your backyard built driftcar or daily driver, it’s all about just going out. It’s understanding what makes a car not just an appliance. It’s about appreciation. Throwing your hoosiers in the backseat, filling the trunk with tools, driving across state lines for an event, kicking ass and driving back.
In my opinion, Grassroots drivers are the REAL enthusiasts.
This is to you.
To our readers, What’s YOUR grassroots discipline?
